Artifacts
By Denis Tetreault
Version 1.2
Introduction
Artifacts. The very word excites DMs and sends shivers down the spines
of players. They are the toys campaign builders love to play with. Let
the players have their little vorpal swords and sputtering staves... we
can manipulate countries, empires and worlds... yes... even history...
with ARTIFACTS!!! ;-)
Though some of what follows comes from a variety of sources, the
Book
of Artifacts being an important source, I can preface much of what
follows
with the phrases "in my campaign..." or "in my opinion..." For the
purpose
of minimizing redundancy I won't repeat those phrases in every other
sentence,
but I ask that you keep them in mind as you read through this. Also,
this
is a work in progress (hence the version number). Check back
periodically
for new versions. I plan to expand several of the following sections,
and
also will eventually include a list of "personal artifacts" of the
various
Greyhawk deities (though these generally will never leave a god's side
and therefore are very unlikely to ever interact with players).
What are Artifacts?
The Book of Artifacts (hereafter refered to as " the BoA") states that
"artifacts are powerful magical items that have wizard, priest, or
other
powers and are made by gods, lichs, wizards, and other powerful
spellcasters".
Yes, artifacts are all that, however they are so much more. If it were
just that simple, most powerful magic items could be called
"artifacts".
The BoA uses the staff of the magi as an example. It is quite
powerful,
has many abilities, but is not an artifact. In the BoA, Zeb Cook
suggests
three criteria for an artifact: 1) it must be unique, 2)
it must have a history, and 3) it must be important to the
adventure.
I would argue that any magic item could easily be made to qualify under
those criteria. A stolen +1 sword, forged over a century ago by
the great weaponscrafter Homer of Simpson (with etched bladework and a
pommel the shape of the Holy Donut), and that has been handed down
through
the family for generations, would certainly fit these qualifications.
My
own three criteria would consist of these: 1) an artifact must
be
timeless, 2) it's use must have consequences, and 3) it
must
have the ability to affect the history of entire campaign regions
(whether
or not it has done so already).
Magic for the Ages
Of course an artifact must be unique. That goes without saying. From a
mechanics point-of-view, artifacts are indestructable (except by very
special
means). This means that they have the potential to be around for a long
time. Their longevity, combined with a uniqueness that makes them
(fairly)
easy to track, can result in a long and memorable history. But it is
not
their history per se that makes an artifact an artifact. Prince
Thrommel's
sword has a legendary history. It is not an artifact. When Xodast first
created the Bringer of Doom it had no history (yet), and
wouldn't
for another 200 years. It was an artifact.
While indestructability is not entirely accurate, an artifact's
method
of destruction must always be an adventure of legendary proportions and
should relate somehow to its purpose or origin. As an example (and to
provide
a suggestion different from the BoA), the Sword of Kas must
have
its blade snapped against the Spider Throne. Finding Vecna's original
throne
after all those centuries would be a difficult task, to say the least.
And of course there will be those who wish to stop the PC's.
Curses! Foiled Again
Every artifact, even one based on lawful good principles, has its
downside.
Some unwanted effect which the user cannot avoid. With great power must
come great cost. The BoA and 1st Edition DMG list a variety of curses
or
"malevolent" effects, and these must not be taken lightly. They serve
as
a deterrent to those who would use artifacts for anything but the most
dire and important purposes. While that intelligent +5 two-handed
sword
of slaying everything can become the favored tool of destruction
for
a PC, even the most minor artifact cannot be allowed to become part of
a PC's regular arsenal. The consequences of use are the DM's tool to
prevent
this. An artifact, if ever used at all, should only be used for a
special
and unique purpose as the climax of a great quest or campaign.
An artifact's malevolent effects should also be proportional to its
other abilities. Swallowing an enemy's capital city into a great rift
in
the earth should not carry the same penalty as casting tongues.
When laying out an artifact's abilities, choose several levels of
curses
that can come into being as its various Minor, Major, and Primary
abilities
are used. And of course, the more an artifact is used (minor abilities
or not) the graver the consequences should be. The decision to use an
artifact
should be the toughest decision any PC could ever make.
The DM should not limit himself to the rather passive nature of
curses.
Every artifact will have individuals or groups that may either covet
the
artifact themselves or wish to prevent the PC's from using or
destroying
it, or all of the above. These antagonists can prove more of a danger
than
the artifact itself, and can help drive an interesting storyline. If
any
outsiders witness the use of an artifact, assume that the word gets
out,
and others will begin tracking down the PCs.
Power with Purpose
Often an artifact was created to perform a specific function at a
specific
time. Whether or not this is the case for any particular artifact, one
thing should be true... when an artifact is used, history sits up and
takes
notice. Examples of this are the destruction of civilizations and
empires
(the Rain of Colorless Fire and the Invoked Devastation implicating Tovag
Baragu and the Bringer of Doom), the forming of great
empires
(Yagrax and Tzunk using the Codex), the epic battles between
great
personages (the Queen of Chaos and the Wind Dukes with the Rod of
Seven
Parts, Vecna and Kaz using Vecna's various body parts and the Sword
of Kaz), the trapping (Iron Flask of Tuerny) or controlling
(Orbs of Dragonkind) of powerful creatures, and the working of
miraculous
feats of healing (Cup and Talisman of Al'Akbar). The use of
artifacts,
whether in the past or the present, should have ramifications that
resonate
throughout one's campaign and campaign world.
Artifacts always have a "flavor" to their abilities. I strongly
believe that powers should not be rolled on a random table. The
powers of any particular artifact should be specifically selected by
the
DM to fit its description (whether its a pre-existing artifact's
description
from a publication, or its a new one chosen/created by the DM). Finger
of Death (as a primary power) and lycanthropy (as a curse) will not
be associated with the Cup of Al'Akbar. A touch with the Hand
of Vecna might be reasonably expected to kill plants or cause Energy
Drain, the Iron Flask of Tuerny might cast Maze or Trap
the Soul.
Just to clear up a common misunderstanding, there is no particular
difference
between artifacts and relics. Relics are merely artifacts that have
some
religious significance. The artifacts of Al 'Akbar are relics because
they
are associated with that religion. If a religious cult were to spring
up
around an artifact or an artifact's creator, as has happened with Vecna
in the WGA4 Vecna Lives! adventure, then a non-relic can become
a relic.
What I find more useful is to categorize artifacts in one of three
groupings or classes.
Class 1 Artifacts "Artifacts"
Class 2 Artifacts "Minor Artifacts"
Elder-Artifacts
What may be superficially described as a "power" ranking is really
meant
to rate artifacts on their ability to affect campaigns and campaign
worlds.
This "relative power" can relate to an artifact's origin... that is,
how
it was formed. A Power (a Planescape/Manual of the Planes term for a
class
of powerful, immortal beings that include the "gods") could
theoretically
create a more powerful artifact than a mortal wizard. However this
should
not be considered as a hard and fast rule.
What I refer to as Class 1 Artifacts, or standard
"Artifacts"
(if an artifact can ever be considered "standard"), are the
most
common type. These are powerful magic items capable of affecting
important
historical events (great battles, the succession of rulers, the
summoning,
entrapping or death of great beings...), or large regions (plagues,
regional
crop successes or failures, the alteration of landscapes...).
Class 2 Artifacts, or "Minor Artifacts" (again, if an
artifact
can ever be "minor"; we're talking here in relation to other artifacts)
are those of obviously lesser power than most other artifacts. Though
they
may qualify as an artifact in the other criteria, they do not really
have
the ability to effect campaigns in a great way. Examples of these are
the
Gauntlet
(created to destroy a single keep), the Sentinel (which really
only
exists to destroy the Gauntlet), the Silver Key of Portals,
the Barrel and Grain of Nerull, and the Lens of
Transformation.
"Elder-Artifacts", a term I first coined in May of 1997 on
the
Greytalk listserv, represent the most powerful magic of any type to
ever
exist. They are, in my mind, the most interesting from a campaign
design
point-of-view. These items are either the work of entire pantheons of
gods,
or pre-date the gods themselves, and surpass the power of any one god
(or
even several gods). They can accomplish truly wonderous feats, driving
epic histories that shape entire worlds. Some are even responsible for
the very structure of the multiverse.
In my opinion, Powers (gods) cannot greatly effect the landscape or
nature of a world (certainly not of the scale of the Twin Cataclysms).
My logic is that there are too many Powers with interests in
any
one planet (especially when you look at the god count for Greyhawk!).
Most
would exert energies to counter any affect caused by one or two,
overwhelming
their meagre influence. And Powers in my multiverse certainly are not
"all-powerful",
but more like the top of the food-chain. (That's right, the Athar from
Planescape got it right, you berk! Just don't tell my players!) If
continent-wide
cataclysms (like the Rain of Colorless Fire and the Invoked
Devastation)
and planetary-scale effects (like the destruction of Anti-Liga, Borka
and
Greela) are beyond the power of Powers, I needed something older and
more
powerful than the gods, something that could work in spite of
the
wishes of entire pantheons. Hence my version of the Codex of the
Infinite
Planes (and, incidentally, the reason why I had to integrate so
much
Spelljammer information into its timeline). A few rare artifacts, such
as those created by multiple powers or those few which existed before
any
of the known gods, can accomplish this level of change. The Codex
of
the Infinite Planes and the Earth Stone are both certainly
Elder-Artifacts,
existing longer than any present gods, and capable of operating
"outside
of the rules" that govern the Powers. The Throne of the Gods
also
qualifies, as an item created by a large number of early Powers working
in concert. I would also include Tovag Baragu in this very
exclusive
list. What can an Elder-Artifact do? Its very difficult to generalize
because
each artifact is itself unique, with its own special "sphere of
interest",
and the obvious parallel to "sphere's of influence" in reference to
Powers
(gods) is intentional here. The Codex can slice up and warp
planes,
and exert absolute influence over beings tied to the planes. The Earth
Stone can create and shape matter on a planetary and planar scale.
Tovag
Baragu can funnel and control energies of unimaginable power. The Throne
of the Gods can countermand the edicts of gods.
Some Class 1 Artifacts that have been instilled with the power of
Elder-Artifacts
(and therefore received their abilities from a "higher power" then the
gods) may be capable of affecting large regions and, of course, cannot
be reversed by a pantheon of "mere" gods. Perhaps Tharizdun used an
Elder-Artifact
to help create the Scorpion Crown. My version of the Bringer
of Doom would also fit in here.
Origins
It is well know that Powers are responsible for the creation of many
artifacts
(or at least, like most supervisors/CEOs, they take credit for many of
them).
Patrick Ellis once asked on the Greytalk listserv the question (and
I'm paraphrasing here) "Does the process of Ascension to Godhood
require
the creation of an artifact as a prerequisite? Perhaps as a sort of
grand
spell component". No... I would argue that the ascension to godhood
involves
the imbuing of the energy or essence of the planes into a being. Often
there is a sort of "surplus" of this power, and this can be channeled
to
create an artifact. In this case the artifact is actually a side-effect
of becoming an immortal, rather than a requirement. Examples of this
might
be the "favored" tools or weapons of a deity, such as Istus's Spindle
of Fate, Pholtus' Staff of the Silvery Sun, and Nerull's
staff/scythe,
the Life Cutter. The ascending being can choose to direct this
energy
to other ends, such as shaping its environment (for example, a Power's
realm on its home plane, or it's follower's planet), hence not every
Power
necessarily has an artifact to his/her/it's name. Also, this energy
does
not have to be used right away, but can be expended when it is needed -
for example, the creation of the Cup and Talisman at the time
of
the Invoked Devastation. (Note: since I use Al'Akbar as a pre-existing
Baklunish god, his use of this power is delayed; if you choose to have
Al'Akbar as a priest who ascends to godhood during the Invoked
Devastation,
then he uses this power right away.)
But it is also true that many of the artifacts associated with
Greyhawk
were created by mortals before they achieved
quasi/demi/full-godhood.
It may be possible for mortals, with great effort and legendary deeds,
to somehow direct the flow of magical energies sufficient to create an
artifact on their own. As exceptional individuals "on their way up",
they
had the skills and knowledge to achieve such great accomplishments.
Mortals
(at the time of the creation of their artifacts) such as Vecna, Zagig
and
Tuerny continued on their (very different) paths to greatness, while
others
like Xodast and Dahlver-Nar didn't.
Also, certain very powerful artifacts (such as the Codex)
can
be used to direct these energies, enabling the creation of a new
artifact.
If a pre-existing artifact is used to control these energies, then it
can
only create another of lesser power.
There may also be other ways to create an artifact. Another Greytalk
list member once suggested that circumstance can create a magic item. A
sword used in some extremely heroic/legendary event may spontaneously
acquire
a magical nature. I would suggest that it may be possible for
circumstance
to become responsible for the meetings of energies sufficiant to create
an artifact, but independent of any god or other controlling
consciousness.
The natural flow of energy through the multiverse is responsible. The
BoA's
version of the Teeth of Dahlvar-Nar (but not the DMG1 version)
would
fit into this category.
Location, Location, Location
The Great Kingdom has the Malachite Throne. Someone once
asked
"should every country have its own artifact?" Most definitely NOT! No
one,
not even a country, can claim anything more than temporary possession
of
an artifact. By the nature of artifacts, they affect individuals, not
groups,
organizations or nations. It will always come down to a particular
individual.
The Malachite Throne is kind of unique because of the history
of
a succession of noteworthy rulers. Except for this one, an artifact
will
never be "out in the open" (of course it goes without saying that a PC
should not be able to waltz into the palace at Rauxes, into the throne
room, and park his butt on the throne). They exist in the dark places,
the secret places of a campaign world, and are a good example of the
old
descriptor "99 percent incredible boredom, 1 percent sheer terror".
Most
of an artifact's existence is spent as a lost, unused item... as a
rumor.
When one is placed it should require an adventure of epic proportions
to
reach it. It won't be found on the back shelf of a pawn shop. The
location
should be as much a part of the artifact's legend as anything. Access
should
be difficult for all, not just for the PCs, or some NPC would have
attempted
to use it already.
History
The BoA and the DMG2 both stress how "all of these items have been
handed
down from ancient times and have histories shrouded in myth and legend"
(DMG2 89). In my mind, artifacts are defined by their magical
properties,
not by their history. Therefore, while most artifacts will have a rich
(if difficult to divine) history, they do not necessarily have
to
carry a long history. It is possible for a new artifact to form (as
described
above), and thus not have a history at all (other than the creation
event).
However, by and large, most artifacts have been around long enough to
have
had at least a few chances to interact with their environment.
Sometimes
the souce of the hubbub may be identifiable and thus grows the legend
of
any particular artifact. These events should always be described in
vague
terms, stressing wonder, power, and impossibility. How could half a
continent
be burned to ashes? It can't.... it's impossible!!! How could temples
be
shaken to the ground by merely pointing a dark, withered finger? It
can't!!
It's impossible!!! ;-) Some artifacts (but not all) are also tied to
mythological
characters, either as creator, coveter, user, or foe, further building
upon the mystical aura surrounding the item. All of these aspects of an
artifact's history should somehow hint at the artifact's raison
d'etre
- its reason for existance (cause for creation, intended purpose,
original
use, future destiny, etc.). Each artifact should have a "flavor" to its
particular powers, and that flavor will strongly color its history. As
an analogy, one can consider an artifact's legend and history as the
"shadow"
it casts on its environment. Even though artifacts are immune to all
divinatory
magic, PCs can learn alot about an artifact by studying its "shadow".
In
fact this is really the only avenue of research they can take in their
hunt for clues to its location and possible powers. Of course it can
also
mislead them as easily as help them (especially when dealing
with
artifacts associated with deception and illusion).
Greyhawk Artifacts
Well, since this is a Greyhawk Website, it stands to reason that there
must be a discussion of Greyhawk artifacts. I should point out that
some
of the items listed here are not specifically identified as "Artifacts"
in their original description, however I feel that their descriptions
fit
the definition of an artifact well enough to be considered so. These
include
the Amulet of Rachleach (though it is refered to as a
"relic"),
the Bracers of Vecna and Dryanon.
No brackets indicate a reference that describes the relevant artifact,
brackets indicate a reference within which the artifact is only
mentioned
in passing. Page numbers in the Ivid the Undying document depends on
formatting,
so use your wordprocessor's search function or generate a printed
index.
Abbreviations: DMG1 = 1st Edition of the Dungeon Master's Guide, DMG2
= 2nd Edition of the Dungeon Master's Guide, BoA = Book of Artifacts
hardcover,
CoG:FFF = City of Greyhawk boxed set booklet Folk, Feuds, and Factions,
FtA:CB = From the Ashes boxed set Campaign Book, FtA:AF = From the
Ashes
boxed set Atlas of the Flanaess book, MCA = Monsterous Compendium
Appendix
Definitely Greyhawk
Amulet of Rachleach - CoG:FFF 76
Axe of the Dwarvish Lords - DMG1 156, BoA 17
Azak-Zil Ellipsoid - Greyhawk Adventures hardcover 92
Barrel and Grain of Nerull - WG8 Fate of Istus 75
Bloody Obelisk of Aerdy, the - FtA:AF 70; though described as
an artifact, it can be destroyed, so it may not be a true artifact
Bracers of Vecna - CoG:FFF 80
Bringer of Doom, the - MC5 Greyhawk Adv. MCA: Hordling entry,
Planescape MCA 55, this web
site,
(Monster
Manual2 75), (WG7 Castle Greyhawk 97)
Circlet of Torrentz - CoG:FFF 85
Codex of the Infinite Planes - DMG1 156, BoA 27, this web site;
also exists in the Planescape campaign environment
Crook of Rao - (WG6 Isle of the Ape). (FtA:AF 75)
Crystal of the Ebon Flame - DMG1 157, BoA 29, (Ivid the Undying)
Cup and Talisman of Al'Akbar - DMG1 157, BoA 30
Daoud's Wondrous Lanthorn - S4 The Lost Caverns of Tsojcanth:
Book2 20
Dryanon, Sword of the Ring of Five - WGR1 Greyhawk Ruins 68
Earth Stone, the - WGR1 Greyhawk Ruins 56
Gauntlet, the - UK3 The Gauntlet 28
Hand and Eye of Vecna - DMG1 157, DMG2 91, BoA 35, WGA4 Vecna
Lives! 69
Heward's Mystical Organ - DMG1 158, DMG2 93, BoA 39
Iron Flask of Tuerny the Merciless - DMG1 158, BoA 45, (Return
of the Eight)
Jacinth of Inestimable Beauty - DMG1 158, BoA 48, (CoG:FFF 38)
Johydee's Mask - DMG1 158, BoA 49, (Ivid the Undying)
Lens of Transformation - T1-4 Temple of Elemental Evil 127
Mace of Cuthbert - DMG1 159, BoA 52, Greyhawk Adventures
hardcover
9, (From the Ashes)
Machine of Lum the Mad - DMG1 159, BoA 53, (Ivid the Undying)
Malachite Throne - Ivid the Undying
Mighty Servant of Leuk-o - DMG1 159, BoA 58, (Ivid the Undying)
Obelisk, the - WGR1 Greyhawk Ruins 67
Orbs of Dragonkind - DMG1 159, BoA 65, (Ivid the Undying)
Queen Ehlissa's Marvelous Nightingale - DMG1 160, BoA 78
Rod of Seven Parts - DMG1 160, DMG2 91, BoA 91, Rod of Seven
Parts boxed set
Scorpion Crown - WGR3 Rary the Traitor 32
Sentinel, the - UK2 The Sentinel 30, UK3 The Gauntlet 29
Silver Key of Portals, the - WG5 Mordenkainen's Fantastic
Adventure
30
Spear of Sorrow - Ivid the Undying
Staff of Fraz-Urb'luu (broken shard) - (CoG:Card10)
Sword of Kas - DMG1 161, BoA 100, WGA4 Vecna Lives! 71
Table of Zagig - WGR1 Greyhawk Ruins 37
Tapestry of Nightmares - WG8 Fate of Istus 78
Tapestry of Rooms - WG7 Castle Greyhawk 122
Torch of Anazander - CoG:FFF 71, FtA:CB 74
Tovag Baragu - Greyhawk Adventures hardcover 99, WGA4 Vecna
Lives! 58, this web site
Unholy Bloodshield, the - Ivid the Undying
Yellowskull - T1-4 Temple of Elemental Evil 127
(unidentified artifact of Pelor) - FtA:AF 71
(unidentified artifact of Pyremius) - WGR5 Iuz the Evil 45
Note: A description in WGR1 Greyhawk Ruins page 37 seems to suggest
that all three pieces of the Neutral Regalia of Might were contained
within
Zagyg's castle for some time in the past.
Optionally Greyhawk
Baba Yaga's Hut - DMG1 156, Dragon83 32, BoA 21, The Dancing Hut
of Baba Yaga adventure
Note: because of the
travelling
nature of the Hut, it almost certainly visits Oerth periodically
Hammer of Gesen - BoA 33 (what the heck is a manggus?)
Horn of Change - DMG1 158, BoA 42
Invulnerable Coat of Arnd - DMG1 158, BoA 43
Iron Bow of Gesen - BoA 44
Kuroth's Quill - DMG1 159, BoA 50
Recorder of Ye'Cind - DMG1 160, BoA 79
Regalia of Good - DMG1 157,160,161, BoA 80
Regalia of Neutrality - DMG1 157,160,161, BoA 80
Regalia of Evil - DMG1 157,160,161, BoA 80
Ring of Gaxx - DMG1 160, BoA 90
Teeth of Dahlver-Nar - DMG1 161, BoA 101
Throne of the Gods, the - DMG1 161, BoA 103; the Throne
exists on all planes simultaneously, therefore there is probably one on
Oerth
Non-Canon which I have placed in my Greyhawk Campaign
Ashen Staff, the - this
web
site
Spelljammer Artifacts
Because of the nature of the Spelljammer campaign, these artifacts
easily
could
make their way into Greyspace, and onto Oerth.
Artifurnaces - BoA 16, not really an artifact in my campaign
Blackjammer's Cutlass - BoA 24
Unlikely to be found in Greyhawk
Acorn of Wo Mai - BoA 11
Death Rock - BoA 32
Herald of Mei Lung - BoA 37
Ivory Chain of Pao - BoA 46
Confirmed Non-Greyhawk Artifacts
Al Quadim
All Knowing Eye of Yasmin Sira - BoA 12
Coin of Jisan - BoA 28
Seal of Jafar al-Samal - BoA 97
Dark Sun
Planar Gate, the - City by the Silt Sea boxed set Card1
Obsidian Man of Urik - BoA 63
Psychometron of Nerad - BoA 77
Rod of Teeth - BoA 93
Silencer of Bodach - BoA 98
Dragonlance
Axe of the Emperors - BoA 19
Triad of Betrayal - BoA 105
Forgotten Realms
Book with No End - BoA 25
Monocle of Bagthalos - BoA 61
Sceptre of the Sorcer-Kings - BoA 95
Planescape/Outer Planes
Rod of Asmodeus - Monster Manual1 20
Staff of Fraz-Urb'luu - Monster Manual2 39, (broken, see
CoG:Card10)
Wand of Orcus - DMG1 162, (H4 Throne of Bloodstone)
Ravenloft
Apparatus, the - BoA 13
Note: If any aficionados of AD&D's other campaign worlds wish to
add confirmed artifacts from other official TSR publications, please
send
me your list following the same format I have here (complete with
source[s]
and page number) and I will add them to this web page. Likewise, if
I've
missed any Greyhawk artifacts, let me know.
So Many Artifacts!
Yes, there does seem to be an inordinately large number of artifacts in
the World of Greyhawk (though someone on the listservs once voiced the
opinion that they thought Greyhawk had comparatively few artifacts). In
fact, there are more artifacts than 20th+ level spell casters! Why? The
confluence of great energies and magics, the extremely long history of
magical and divine activity (spell-casters come and go, once an
artifact
is created it goes on... and on...)... Who knows? Sure makes for a lot
of great story ideas though! Just don't get too carried
away.
;-)
Return to the Arcane Magics
Page
Return to my main Greyhawk Page
Appendix 1: Winners of the Artifact Awards
Largest Artifact: Tovag Baragu
Smallest Artifact: Ring of Gaxx
Game accessory or module with the most new artifacts (not including
DMG1 and the Book of Artifacts): It's a Tie!!! City of Greyhawk Boxed
Set
[4 artifacts, not including the fragment of the Staff of
Fraz-Urb'luu],
and WGR1 Greyhawk Ruins [4 artifacts, not including several items of
artifact-like
indestructibility]
Artifact with the most disgusting condition for use: Eye of Vecna
No, I won't mention the
joke description posted to Greytalk about Vecna's third organ made into
an artifact ;-)
Most Annoying Artifact: Queen Ehlissa's Marvelous Nightingale
(its just so damn cute, and barely pre-industrial in it's clockwork
complexity)
Most Powerful Artifact: The Codex, of course!!!! ;-)
Most Useless Artifact: the Sentinel (I have a belt
pouch
with more useful abilities)
Most Secretive Artifact: the Earth Stone (Not even the Gods
know
about it!)
Most Infamous Artifact: the Bringer of Doom
Best Tasting Artifact: Baba Yaga's Hut (just think about
those
drumsticks!!!)
Artifact with the Most Humorous Name: Heward's Mystical Organ
(and there's a funny story to go along with its origin...)
Artifact most likely to Appear in a Monty Python Movie: the Invulnerable
Coat of Aaaaa..a.....a...... "But that's what it says,
Sire!"
Artifact Least Likely to be Used Seriously by a DM: the Tapestry
of Rooms (its from WG7... what more need I say!)
And finally... a two-time winner....
Artifact Most Likely to be Used Accidentally (because of the popularity
of the module), and
Artifact Least Likely to be Recognized as such (both because of its
relative immovability and minor powers): the Lens of Transformation
Appendix 2: Humorous Artifacts
From a sadly short-lived thread on the rec.games.frp.dnd newsgroup back
in August of 1996....
The thread began with this list by David ("Yogsoth Dave") Cohen:
Invulnerable Raincoat of Arnd
The Hand Cream of Vecna
The Eye Makeup of Vecna
Rod of 7-Eleven Parts (Cash registers, drink dispensers, etc)
The Rolodex of the Infinite Planes
Baba Yaga's Burger Hut
Drag Queen Ehlissa's Marvelous Nightengale
The Gumball Machine of Lum the Mad
Heward's Mystical Internal Organ
Orb of Might (or Might Not)
False Teeth of Dahlver Nar
Athletic Cup and Talisman of Al Akbar
Johydee's Masking Tape
The Tape Recorder of Ye'Cind
to which JL (sleipnir) added:
Arse of the Dwarven Merchant Lord
Rubber Hammer of Gesen
Death Rock (heavy metal, man!)
Horn of Pocket Change
Iron Bowtie of Gesen
Ivory Soap Chain of Pao (soap on a rope)
Kuoth's Quilt
Mace of Cuthbert (Warning: non-pepper spray!)
The Mighty Big Servant of Leuk-o (just a really big guy)
Ring of Gy-gaxx (imagine the curse on that one!)
Scepter of the Soccer Kings
Window Sealant of Jafar al-Samal
Throne of the Gods (but what's the little handle for? *flush*)
and lastly I added my own contribution:
First some 1st Edition arties....
Crystal of the Healy-Feelies (wielder falsely deluded into thinking
he
can cure
everything)
Jacinth of Intolerable Smugness (as if anyone wearing this ultimate
jewel
COULD act more
vain and pompous)
Crayon of Kas (from his younger years)
Wand of Orcus-tra (music to torment by)
Turd of the Dragonkind (a king's ransom in manure)
2nd Edition......
Flapjacker's Spatula (makes really, REALLY good pancakes)
Phlegm of Mei Lung (don't even ask)
Hip-Flask of Tuerny the Meaningless (mind-deadening fluids o'plenty)
Obsidian Mannequin (doesn't do anything, but looks DAMN good!)
Seal of Jafar-ar-ar-ar-ar (fueled by sacrifices of fish)
EtchaSketcher of the Sorcerer-Kings (by twisting two mysterious knobs,
drawings of wondrous
simplicity form on the grey screen and can
be made to magically
disappear without a trace!!!)
Psychobabble of Nerad (your enemies cower at your confusion, or are
they confused at your
cowering, uh.. confounded by my
bewilderment... no...
ummmm perplexed by my disorder...
rrrrr.... let me get
back to you on this one .... lets see... disturbed
by my
distraction.......
Return to the Arcane Magics Page
Return to my main Greyhawk Page
This page was last modified on December 19, 2004