Mar 13th, 2006: The contest is over. Thanks to all who contributed their ideas. It was a great turnout for my first attempt at this contest, I'm sure I'll do it more given the good response. Winners should email me at for details on how to claim their prize. Now without any further delay, the TWO winners and many of the best honorable mentions: -Mortellan


Max Writer: (Pholtus) "Don't worry, I'm sure Vatun will be out any second."

lord kjeran: (Pholtus) "Tomb of Horrors? Yeah, right! What's so scary about a green dev-"

Other mentions

ripvanwormer: (Cuthbert) "Why would the God of Light need to carry a torch?"
(Pholtus) I... I... shut up! It's cold in here!
(Cuthbert) That would explain your nipples.

Valkaun: (Pholtus) Sniff... Sniff "Cuthbert I'm not certain we should go this way... something smells awful in th-" Sniff sniff " Wait a second... That's coming from behind me! Cuthbert! Did you?!?"
(Cuthbert) "Well... Er uh... He who hath smelt it most assuredly dealt it!" He turns to the readers "Yeah, yeah, I know, truth is part of my portfolio. I just can't stand this guy. He acts as if his $#!+ doesn't stink!"

Varthalon: (Pholtus) "This can’t be good, I think we may be in another Gygax adventure guys."

cwslyclgh: (Cuthbert) "Wastri get up here!"
(Pholtus) "Hurry up we need you to see what's in this hole."

Scoti Garbidis: (Pholtus) "Cuthbert... I could have sworn that scroll said to hold the torch up on the otherside to envoke the rain of colorless fire."
(Cuthbert) "Ahhh, yer' right. This was the side where we were supposed to throw in the bag of beans!"
(Pholtus) "Oh no, how are we gonna get those beans back out?"
(Cuthbert) "Your stick is longer Pholtus."

Cebrion: (Pholtus) "Hah Cuthbert! My Blinding Light will shine forth from even *this* darkness when I enter it!"
(Cuthbert thinking) "Please! Give me just this ONE thing!"

Thror: (Pholtus) "CUTHBERT!! BEHIND YOU!! There's a hideous monster approaching!"
(Cuthbert) "Omigosh...where?"
(Pholtus) "MADE YOU LOOK!!!!"

Arjen: (Pholtus) "Just let Helm and Selune try the hard way to traverse this dungeon and earn the right to be published by WOTC. Here, I found us a shortcut."

Wyroth: (Pholtus) "See, Cuthbert. I told you. If you a stick a torch up the left nostril of the emerald demon head, it will open up the mouth that leads to the treasure room. But I did not quite like the AAAAGH!! sound it made when I did it."

rtaylor: (Pholtus) "Let's show it to Fharlanghn, he'll explore anything!"

Duicarthan: (Pholtus) "Go on! no one will know you put your cudgel in there. I mean how can you resist a mouth like that?"

jstanton: (Pholtus) "What do you mean, you let the halfling crawl in??!!"

airwalkrr: (Pholtus) "For crying out loud Cuthbert, if you shout 'Iuz is here!' one more time, I'm gonna stuff you inside this mouth portal thingy."

RSM: (Pholtus) "Everyone mounts fish or deer. I wanted something different."

Hunter: (Pholtus) "So this is where they stuck the World of Greyhawk!"

Wolfsire: (Pholtus) "Look, a gold filling. That is a good sign!"

Amaril: (Pholtus) "Did you fart?"

Valharic: (Pholtus) "You've seen that movie Goonies, right? When they slide down the water tunnel? I heard that this is just as fun as that!!"

Special double entendre mentions

Lassiviren: (Pholtus) Am I misunderstanding the joke? I see nothing 'glorious' about this hole....

Wykthor: Title: Brokeback Celestia
(Pholtus) "Come on, no one will see us here. If you show me your cudgel IŽll let you hold my Staff of Silvery Sun *winks*"
(St. Cuthbert thinking) "IŽll have some strong words with my followers about the wrongness of Pholtus."

Thanks again for playing along everyone!