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Maldin's Greyhawk

Artifacts

By Denis Tetreault
Version 1.2

Introduction

Artifacts. The very word excites DMs and sends shivers down the spines of players. They are the toys campaign builders love to play with. Let the players have their little vorpal swords and sputtering staves... we can manipulate countries, empires and worlds... yes... even history... with ARTIFACTS!!! ;-)

Though some of what follows comes from a variety of sources, the Book of Artifacts being an important source, I can preface much of what follows with the phrases "in my campaign..." or "in my opinion..." For the purpose of minimizing redundancy I won't repeat those phrases in every other sentence, but I ask that you keep them in mind as you read through this. Also, this is a work in progress (hence the version number). Check back periodically for new versions. I plan to expand several of the following sections, and also will eventually include a list of "personal artifacts" of the various Greyhawk deities (though these generally will never leave a god's side and therefore are very unlikely to ever interact with players).
 

What are Artifacts?

The Book of Artifacts (hereafter refered to as " the BoA") states that "artifacts are powerful magical items that have wizard, priest, or other powers and are made by gods, lichs, wizards, and other powerful spellcasters". Yes, artifacts are all that, however they are so much more. If it were just that simple, most powerful magic items could be called "artifacts". The BoA uses the staff of the magi as an example. It is quite powerful, has many abilities, but is not an artifact. In the BoA, Zeb Cook suggests three criteria for an artifact: 1) it must be unique, 2) it must have a history, and 3) it must be important to the adventure. I would argue that any magic item could easily be made to qualify under those criteria. A stolen +1 sword, forged over a century ago by the great weaponscrafter Homer of Simpson (with etched bladework and a pommel the shape of the Holy Donut), and that has been handed down through the family for generations, would certainly fit these qualifications. My own three criteria would consist of these: 1) an artifact must be timeless, 2) it's use must have consequences, and 3) it must have the ability to affect the history of entire campaign regions (whether or not it has done so already).

Magic for the Ages

Of course an artifact must be unique. That goes without saying. From a mechanics point-of-view, artifacts are indestructable (except by very special means). This means that they have the potential to be around for a long time. Their longevity, combined with a uniqueness that makes them (fairly) easy to track, can result in a long and memorable history. But it is not their history per se that makes an artifact an artifact. Prince Thrommel's sword has a legendary history. It is not an artifact. When Xodast first created the Bringer of Doom it had no history (yet), and wouldn't for another 200 years. It was an artifact.

While indestructability is not entirely accurate, an artifact's method of destruction must always be an adventure of legendary proportions and should relate somehow to its purpose or origin. As an example (and to provide a suggestion different from the BoA), the Sword of Kas must have its blade snapped against the Spider Throne. Finding Vecna's original throne after all those centuries would be a difficult task, to say the least. And of course there will be those who wish to stop the PC's.

Curses! Foiled Again

Every artifact, even one based on lawful good principles, has its downside. Some unwanted effect which the user cannot avoid. With great power must come great cost. The BoA and 1st Edition DMG list a variety of curses or "malevolent" effects, and these must not be taken lightly. They serve as a deterrent to those who would use artifacts for anything but the most dire and important purposes. While that intelligent +5 two-handed sword of slaying everything can become the favored tool of destruction for a PC, even the most minor artifact cannot be allowed to become part of a PC's regular arsenal. The consequences of use are the DM's tool to prevent this. An artifact, if ever used at all, should only be used for a special and unique purpose as the climax of a great quest or campaign.

An artifact's malevolent effects should also be proportional to its other abilities. Swallowing an enemy's capital city into a great rift in the earth should not carry the same penalty as casting tongues. When laying out an artifact's abilities, choose several levels of curses that can come into being as its various Minor, Major, and Primary abilities are used. And of course, the more an artifact is used (minor abilities or not) the graver the consequences should be. The decision to use an artifact should be the toughest decision any PC could ever make.

The DM should not limit himself to the rather passive nature of curses. Every artifact will have individuals or groups that may either covet the artifact themselves or wish to prevent the PC's from using or destroying it, or all of the above. These antagonists can prove more of a danger than the artifact itself, and can help drive an interesting storyline. If any outsiders witness the use of an artifact, assume that the word gets out, and others will begin tracking down the PCs.

Power with Purpose

Often an artifact was created to perform a specific function at a specific time. Whether or not this is the case for any particular artifact, one thing should be true... when an artifact is used, history sits up and takes notice. Examples of this are the destruction of civilizations and empires (the Rain of Colorless Fire and the Invoked Devastation implicating Tovag Baragu and the Bringer of Doom), the forming of great empires (Yagrax and Tzunk using the Codex), the epic battles between great personages (the Queen of Chaos and the Wind Dukes with the Rod of Seven Parts, Vecna and Kaz using Vecna's various body parts and the Sword of Kaz), the trapping (Iron Flask of Tuerny) or controlling (Orbs of Dragonkind) of powerful creatures, and the working of miraculous feats of healing (Cup and Talisman of Al'Akbar). The use of artifacts, whether in the past or the present, should have ramifications that resonate throughout one's campaign and campaign world.

Artifacts always have a "flavor" to their abilities. I strongly believe that powers should not be rolled on a random table. The powers of any particular artifact should be specifically selected by the DM to fit its description (whether its a pre-existing artifact's description from a publication, or its a new one chosen/created by the DM). Finger of Death (as a primary power) and lycanthropy (as a curse) will not be associated with the Cup of Al'Akbar. A touch with the Hand of Vecna might be reasonably expected to kill plants or cause Energy Drain, the Iron Flask of Tuerny might cast Maze or Trap the Soul.

Just to clear up a common misunderstanding, there is no particular difference between artifacts and relics. Relics are merely artifacts that have some religious significance. The artifacts of Al 'Akbar are relics because they are associated with that religion. If a religious cult were to spring up around an artifact or an artifact's creator, as has happened with Vecna in the WGA4 Vecna Lives! adventure, then a non-relic can become a relic.

What I find more useful is to categorize artifacts in one of three groupings or classes.

Class 1 Artifacts  "Artifacts"
Class 2 Artifacts "Minor Artifacts"
Elder-Artifacts

What may be superficially described as a "power" ranking is really meant to rate artifacts on their ability to affect campaigns and campaign worlds. This "relative power" can relate to an artifact's origin... that is, how it was formed. A Power (a Planescape/Manual of the Planes term for a class of powerful, immortal beings that include the "gods") could theoretically create a more powerful artifact than a mortal wizard. However this should not be considered as a hard and fast rule.

What I refer to as Class 1 Artifacts, or standard "Artifacts" (if an artifact can ever be considered "standard"), are the most common type. These are powerful magic items capable of affecting important historical events (great battles, the succession of rulers, the summoning, entrapping or death of great beings...), or large regions (plagues, regional crop successes or failures, the alteration of landscapes...).

Class 2 Artifacts, or "Minor Artifacts" (again, if an artifact can ever be "minor"; we're talking here in relation to other artifacts) are those of obviously lesser power than most other artifacts. Though they may qualify as an artifact in the other criteria, they do not really have the ability to effect campaigns in a great way. Examples of these are the Gauntlet (created to destroy a single keep), the Sentinel (which really only exists to destroy the Gauntlet), the Silver Key of Portals, the Barrel and Grain of Nerull, and the Lens of Transformation.

"Elder-Artifacts", a term I first coined in May of 1997 on the Greytalk listserv, represent the most powerful magic of any type to ever exist. They are, in my mind, the most interesting from a campaign design point-of-view. These items are either the work of entire pantheons of gods, or pre-date the gods themselves, and surpass the power of any one god (or even several gods). They can accomplish truly wonderous feats, driving epic histories that shape entire worlds. Some are even responsible for the very structure of the multiverse.

In my opinion, Powers (gods) cannot greatly effect the landscape or nature of a world (certainly not of the scale of the Twin Cataclysms). My logic is that there are too many Powers with interests in any one planet (especially when you look at the god count for Greyhawk!). Most would exert energies to counter any affect caused by one or two, overwhelming their meagre influence. And Powers in my multiverse certainly are not "all-powerful", but more like the top of the food-chain. (That's right, the Athar from Planescape got it right, you berk! Just don't tell my players!) If continent-wide cataclysms (like the Rain of Colorless Fire and the Invoked Devastation) and planetary-scale effects (like the destruction of Anti-Liga, Borka and Greela) are beyond the power of Powers, I needed something older and more powerful than the gods, something that could work in spite of the wishes of entire pantheons. Hence my version of the Codex of the Infinite Planes (and, incidentally, the reason why I had to integrate so much Spelljammer information into its timeline). A few rare artifacts, such as those created by multiple powers or those few which existed before any of the known gods, can accomplish this level of change. The Codex of the Infinite Planes and the Earth Stone are both certainly Elder-Artifacts, existing longer than any present gods, and capable of operating "outside of the rules" that govern the Powers. The Throne of the Gods also qualifies, as an item created by a large number of early Powers working in concert. I would also include Tovag Baragu in this very exclusive list. What can an Elder-Artifact do? Its very difficult to generalize because each artifact is itself unique, with its own special "sphere of interest", and the obvious parallel to "sphere's of influence" in reference to Powers (gods) is intentional here. The Codex can slice up and warp planes, and exert absolute influence over beings tied to the planes. The Earth Stone can create and shape matter on a planetary and planar scale. Tovag Baragu can funnel and control energies of unimaginable power. The Throne of the Gods can countermand the edicts of gods.

Some Class 1 Artifacts that have been instilled with the power of Elder-Artifacts (and therefore received their abilities from a "higher power" then the gods) may be capable of affecting large regions and, of course, cannot be reversed by a pantheon of "mere" gods. Perhaps Tharizdun used an Elder-Artifact to help create the Scorpion Crown. My version of the Bringer of Doom would also fit in here.
 

Origins

It is well know that Powers are responsible for the creation of many artifacts (or at least, like most supervisors/CEOs, they take credit for many of them).

Patrick Ellis once asked on the Greytalk listserv the question (and I'm paraphrasing here) "Does the process of Ascension to Godhood require the creation of an artifact as a prerequisite? Perhaps as a sort of grand spell component". No... I would argue that the ascension to godhood involves the imbuing of the energy or essence of the planes into a being. Often there is a sort of "surplus" of this power, and this can be channeled to create an artifact. In this case the artifact is actually a side-effect of becoming an immortal, rather than a requirement. Examples of this might be the "favored" tools or weapons of a deity, such as Istus's Spindle of Fate, Pholtus' Staff of the Silvery Sun, and Nerull's staff/scythe, the Life Cutter. The ascending being can choose to direct this energy to other ends, such as shaping its environment (for example, a Power's realm on its home plane, or it's follower's planet), hence not every Power necessarily has an artifact to his/her/it's name. Also, this energy does not have to be used right away, but can be expended when it is needed - for example, the creation of the Cup and Talisman at the time of the Invoked Devastation. (Note: since I use Al'Akbar as a pre-existing Baklunish god, his use of this power is delayed; if you choose to have Al'Akbar as a priest who ascends to godhood during the Invoked Devastation, then he uses this power right away.)

But it is also true that many of the artifacts associated with Greyhawk were created by mortals before they achieved quasi/demi/full-godhood. It may be possible for mortals, with great effort and legendary deeds, to somehow direct the flow of magical energies sufficient to create an artifact on their own. As exceptional individuals "on their way up", they had the skills and knowledge to achieve such great accomplishments. Mortals (at the time of the creation of their artifacts) such as Vecna, Zagig and Tuerny continued on their (very different) paths to greatness, while others like Xodast and Dahlver-Nar didn't.

Also, certain very powerful artifacts (such as the Codex) can be used to direct these energies, enabling the creation of a new artifact. If a pre-existing artifact is used to control these energies, then it can only create another of lesser power.

There may also be other ways to create an artifact. Another Greytalk list member once suggested that circumstance can create a magic item. A sword used in some extremely heroic/legendary event may spontaneously acquire a magical nature. I would suggest that it may be possible for circumstance to become responsible for the meetings of energies sufficiant to create an artifact, but independent of any god or other controlling consciousness. The natural flow of energy through the multiverse is responsible. The BoA's version of the Teeth of Dahlvar-Nar (but not the DMG1 version) would fit into this category.
 

Location, Location, Location

 The Great Kingdom has the Malachite Throne. Someone once asked "should every country have its own artifact?" Most definitely NOT! No one, not even a country, can claim anything more than temporary possession of an artifact. By the nature of artifacts, they affect individuals, not groups, organizations or nations. It will always come down to a particular individual. The Malachite Throne is kind of unique because of the history of a succession of noteworthy rulers. Except for this one, an artifact will never be "out in the open" (of course it goes without saying that a PC should not be able to waltz into the palace at Rauxes, into the throne room, and park his butt on the throne). They exist in the dark places, the secret places of a campaign world, and are a good example of the old descriptor "99 percent incredible boredom, 1 percent sheer terror". Most of an artifact's existence is spent as a lost, unused item... as a rumor. When one is placed it should require an adventure of epic proportions to reach it. It won't be found on the back shelf of a pawn shop. The location should be as much a part of the artifact's legend as anything. Access should be difficult for all, not just for the PCs, or some NPC would have attempted to use it already.
 

History

The BoA and the DMG2 both stress how "all of these items have been handed down from ancient times and have histories shrouded in myth and legend" (DMG2 89). In my mind, artifacts are defined by their magical properties, not by their history. Therefore, while most artifacts will have a rich (if difficult to divine) history, they do not necessarily have to carry a long history. It is possible for a new artifact to form (as described above), and thus not have a history at all (other than the creation event). However, by and large, most artifacts have been around long enough to have had at least a few chances to interact with their environment. Sometimes the souce of the hubbub may be identifiable and thus grows the legend of any particular artifact. These events should always be described in vague terms, stressing wonder, power, and impossibility. How could half a continent be burned to ashes? It can't.... it's impossible!!! How could temples be shaken to the ground by merely pointing a dark, withered finger? It can't!! It's impossible!!! ;-) Some artifacts (but not all) are also tied to mythological characters, either as creator, coveter, user, or foe, further building upon the mystical aura surrounding the item. All of these aspects of an artifact's history should somehow hint at the artifact's raison d'etre - its reason for existance (cause for creation, intended purpose, original use, future destiny, etc.). Each artifact should have a "flavor" to its particular powers, and that flavor will strongly color its history. As an analogy, one can consider an artifact's legend and history as the "shadow" it casts on its environment. Even though artifacts are immune to all divinatory magic, PCs can learn alot about an artifact by studying its "shadow". In fact this is really the only avenue of research they can take in their hunt for clues to its location and possible powers. Of course it can also mislead them as easily as help them (especially when dealing with artifacts associated with deception and illusion).
 

Greyhawk Artifacts

Well, since this is a Greyhawk Website, it stands to reason that there must be a discussion of Greyhawk artifacts. I should point out that some of the items listed here are not specifically identified as "Artifacts" in their original description, however I feel that their descriptions fit the definition of an artifact well enough to be considered so. These include the Amulet of Rachleach (though it is refered to as a "relic"), the Bracers of Vecna and Dryanon.
No brackets indicate a reference that describes the relevant artifact, brackets indicate a reference within which the artifact is only mentioned in passing. Page numbers in the Ivid the Undying document depends on formatting, so use your wordprocessor's search function or generate a printed index.
Abbreviations: DMG1 = 1st Edition of the Dungeon Master's Guide, DMG2 = 2nd Edition of the Dungeon Master's Guide, BoA = Book of Artifacts hardcover, CoG:FFF = City of Greyhawk boxed set booklet Folk, Feuds, and Factions, FtA:CB = From the Ashes boxed set Campaign Book, FtA:AF = From the Ashes boxed set Atlas of the Flanaess book, MCA = Monsterous Compendium Appendix

Definitely Greyhawk

Amulet of Rachleach - CoG:FFF 76
Axe of the Dwarvish Lords - DMG1 156, BoA 17
Azak-Zil Ellipsoid - Greyhawk Adventures hardcover 92
Barrel and Grain of Nerull - WG8 Fate of Istus 75
Bloody Obelisk of Aerdy, the - FtA:AF 70; though described as an artifact, it can be destroyed, so it may not be a true artifact
Bracers of Vecna - CoG:FFF 80
Bringer of Doom, the - MC5 Greyhawk Adv. MCA: Hordling entry, Planescape MCA 55, this web site,
           (Monster Manual2 75), (WG7 Castle Greyhawk 97)
Circlet of Torrentz - CoG:FFF 85
Codex of the Infinite Planes - DMG1 156, BoA 27, this web site; also exists in the Planescape campaign environment
Crook of Rao - (WG6 Isle of the Ape). (FtA:AF 75)
Crystal of the Ebon Flame - DMG1 157, BoA 29, (Ivid the Undying)
Cup and Talisman of Al'Akbar - DMG1 157, BoA 30
Daoud's Wondrous Lanthorn - S4 The Lost Caverns of Tsojcanth: Book2 20
Dryanon, Sword of the Ring of Five - WGR1 Greyhawk Ruins 68
Earth Stone, the - WGR1 Greyhawk Ruins 56
Gauntlet, the - UK3 The Gauntlet 28
Hand and Eye of Vecna - DMG1 157, DMG2 91, BoA 35, WGA4 Vecna Lives! 69
Heward's Mystical Organ - DMG1 158, DMG2 93, BoA 39
Iron Flask of Tuerny the Merciless - DMG1 158, BoA 45, (Return of the Eight)
Jacinth of Inestimable Beauty - DMG1 158, BoA 48, (CoG:FFF 38)
Johydee's Mask - DMG1 158, BoA 49, (Ivid the Undying)
Lens of Transformation - T1-4 Temple of Elemental Evil 127
Mace of Cuthbert - DMG1 159, BoA 52, Greyhawk Adventures hardcover 9, (From the Ashes)
Machine of Lum the Mad - DMG1 159, BoA 53, (Ivid the Undying)
Malachite Throne - Ivid the Undying
Mighty Servant of Leuk-o - DMG1 159, BoA 58, (Ivid the Undying)
Obelisk, the - WGR1 Greyhawk Ruins 67
Orbs of Dragonkind - DMG1 159, BoA 65, (Ivid the Undying)
Queen Ehlissa's Marvelous Nightingale - DMG1 160, BoA 78
Rod of Seven Parts - DMG1 160, DMG2 91, BoA 91, Rod of Seven Parts boxed set
Scorpion Crown - WGR3 Rary the Traitor 32
Sentinel, the - UK2 The Sentinel 30, UK3 The Gauntlet 29
Silver Key of Portals, the - WG5 Mordenkainen's Fantastic Adventure 30
Spear of Sorrow - Ivid the Undying
Staff of Fraz-Urb'luu (broken shard) - (CoG:Card10)
Sword of Kas - DMG1 161, BoA 100, WGA4 Vecna Lives! 71
Table of Zagig - WGR1 Greyhawk Ruins 37
Tapestry of Nightmares - WG8 Fate of Istus 78
Tapestry of Rooms - WG7 Castle Greyhawk 122
Torch of Anazander - CoG:FFF 71, FtA:CB 74
Tovag Baragu - Greyhawk Adventures hardcover 99, WGA4 Vecna Lives! 58, this web site
Unholy Bloodshield, the - Ivid the Undying
Yellowskull - T1-4 Temple of Elemental Evil 127
(unidentified artifact of Pelor) - FtA:AF 71
(unidentified artifact of Pyremius) - WGR5 Iuz the Evil 45

Note: A description in WGR1 Greyhawk Ruins page 37 seems to suggest that all three pieces of the Neutral Regalia of Might were contained within Zagyg's castle for some time in the past.

Optionally Greyhawk

Baba Yaga's Hut - DMG1 156, Dragon83 32, BoA 21, The Dancing Hut of Baba Yaga adventure
        Note: because of the travelling nature of the Hut, it almost certainly visits Oerth periodically
Hammer of Gesen - BoA 33 (what the heck is a manggus?)
Horn of Change - DMG1 158, BoA 42
Invulnerable Coat of Arnd - DMG1 158, BoA 43
Iron Bow of Gesen - BoA 44
Kuroth's Quill - DMG1 159, BoA 50
Recorder of Ye'Cind - DMG1 160, BoA 79
Regalia of Good - DMG1 157,160,161, BoA 80
Regalia of Neutrality - DMG1 157,160,161, BoA 80
Regalia of Evil - DMG1 157,160,161, BoA 80
Ring of Gaxx - DMG1 160, BoA 90
Teeth of Dahlver-Nar - DMG1 161, BoA 101
Throne of the Gods, the - DMG1 161, BoA 103; the Throne exists on all planes simultaneously, therefore there is probably one on Oerth
 

Non-Canon which I have placed in my Greyhawk Campaign

Ashen Staff, the - this web site
 

Spelljammer Artifacts

Because of the nature of the Spelljammer campaign, these artifacts easily could make their way into Greyspace, and onto Oerth.
Artifurnaces - BoA 16, not really an artifact in my campaign
Blackjammer's Cutlass - BoA 24
 

Unlikely to be found in Greyhawk

Acorn of Wo Mai - BoA 11
Death Rock - BoA 32
Herald of Mei Lung - BoA 37
Ivory Chain of Pao - BoA 46
 

Confirmed Non-Greyhawk Artifacts

Al Quadim

All Knowing Eye of Yasmin Sira - BoA 12
Coin of Jisan - BoA 28
Seal of Jafar al-Samal - BoA 97

Dark Sun

Planar Gate, the - City by the Silt Sea boxed set Card1
Obsidian Man of Urik - BoA 63
Psychometron of Nerad - BoA 77
Rod of Teeth - BoA 93
Silencer of Bodach - BoA 98

Dragonlance

Axe of the Emperors - BoA 19
Triad of Betrayal - BoA 105

Forgotten Realms

Book with No End - BoA 25
Monocle of Bagthalos - BoA 61
Sceptre of the Sorcer-Kings - BoA 95

Planescape/Outer Planes

Rod of Asmodeus - Monster Manual1 20
Staff of Fraz-Urb'luu  - Monster Manual2 39, (broken, see CoG:Card10)
Wand of Orcus - DMG1 162, (H4 Throne of Bloodstone)

Ravenloft

Apparatus, the - BoA 13
 

Note: If any aficionados of AD&D's other campaign worlds wish to add confirmed artifacts from other official TSR publications, please send me your list following the same format I have here (complete with source[s] and page number) and I will add them to this web page. Likewise, if I've missed any Greyhawk artifacts, let me know.

So Many Artifacts!

Yes, there does seem to be an inordinately large number of artifacts in the World of Greyhawk (though someone on the listservs once voiced the opinion that they thought Greyhawk had comparatively few artifacts). In fact, there are more artifacts than 20th+ level spell casters! Why? The confluence of great energies and magics, the extremely long history of magical and divine activity (spell-casters come and go, once an artifact is created it goes on... and on...)... Who knows? Sure makes for a lot of great story ideas though! Just don't get too carried away.  ;-)

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Appendix 1: Winners of the Artifact Awards

Largest Artifact: Tovag Baragu

Smallest Artifact: Ring of Gaxx

Game accessory or module with the most new artifacts (not including DMG1 and the Book of Artifacts): It's a Tie!!! City of Greyhawk Boxed Set [4 artifacts, not including the fragment of the Staff of Fraz-Urb'luu], and WGR1 Greyhawk Ruins [4 artifacts, not including several items of artifact-like indestructibility]

Artifact with the most disgusting condition for use: Eye of Vecna
        No, I won't mention the joke description posted to Greytalk about Vecna's third organ made into an artifact ;-)

Most Annoying Artifact: Queen Ehlissa's Marvelous Nightingale (its just so damn cute, and barely pre-industrial in it's clockwork complexity)

Most Powerful Artifact: The Codex, of course!!!! ;-)

Most Useless Artifact: the Sentinel  (I have a belt pouch with more useful abilities)

Most Secretive Artifact: the Earth Stone (Not even the Gods know about it!)

Most Infamous Artifact: the Bringer of Doom

Best Tasting Artifact: Baba Yaga's Hut (just think about those drumsticks!!!)

Artifact with the Most Humorous Name: Heward's Mystical Organ (and there's a funny story to go along with its origin...)

Artifact most likely to Appear in a Monty Python Movie: the Invulnerable Coat of Aaaaa..a.....a......   "But that's what it says, Sire!"

Artifact Least Likely to be Used Seriously by a DM: the Tapestry of Rooms (its from WG7... what more need I say!)

And finally... a two-time winner....
Artifact Most Likely to be Used Accidentally (because of the popularity of the module), and
Artifact Least Likely to be Recognized as such (both because of its relative immovability and minor powers): the Lens of Transformation
 

Appendix 2: Humorous Artifacts

From a sadly short-lived thread on the rec.games.frp.dnd newsgroup back in August of 1996....
 

The thread began with this list by David ("Yogsoth Dave") Cohen:

Invulnerable Raincoat of Arnd
The Hand Cream of Vecna
The Eye Makeup of Vecna
Rod of 7-Eleven Parts (Cash registers, drink dispensers, etc)
The Rolodex of the Infinite Planes
Baba Yaga's Burger Hut
Drag Queen Ehlissa's Marvelous Nightengale
The Gumball Machine of Lum the Mad
Heward's Mystical Internal Organ
Orb of Might (or Might Not)
False Teeth of Dahlver Nar
Athletic Cup and Talisman of Al Akbar
Johydee's Masking Tape
The Tape Recorder of Ye'Cind
 

to which JL (sleipnir) added:

Arse of the Dwarven Merchant Lord
Rubber Hammer of Gesen
Death Rock (heavy metal, man!)
Horn of Pocket Change
Iron Bowtie of Gesen
Ivory Soap Chain of Pao (soap on a rope)
Kuoth's Quilt
Mace of Cuthbert (Warning: non-pepper spray!)
The Mighty Big Servant of Leuk-o (just a really big guy)
Ring of Gy-gaxx (imagine the curse on that one!)
Scepter of the Soccer Kings
Window Sealant of Jafar al-Samal
Throne of the Gods (but what's the little handle for? *flush*)
 

and lastly I added my own contribution:

First some 1st Edition arties....

Crystal of the Healy-Feelies (wielder falsely deluded into thinking he
          can cure everything)
Jacinth of Intolerable Smugness (as if anyone wearing this ultimate jewel
          COULD act more vain and pompous)
Crayon of Kas (from his younger years)
Wand of Orcus-tra (music to torment by)
Turd of the Dragonkind (a king's ransom in manure)

2nd Edition......

Flapjacker's Spatula (makes really, REALLY good pancakes)
Phlegm of Mei Lung (don't even ask)
Hip-Flask of Tuerny the Meaningless (mind-deadening fluids o'plenty)
Obsidian Mannequin (doesn't do anything, but looks DAMN good!)
Seal of Jafar-ar-ar-ar-ar (fueled by sacrifices of fish)
EtchaSketcher of the Sorcerer-Kings (by twisting two mysterious knobs,
         drawings of wondrous simplicity form on the grey screen and can
         be made to magically disappear without a trace!!!)
Psychobabble of Nerad (your enemies cower at your confusion, or are
         they confused at your cowering, uh.. confounded by my
         bewilderment... no... ummmm perplexed by my disorder...
         rrrrr.... let me get back to you on this one .... lets see... disturbed
         by my distraction.......
 

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 This page was last modified on December 19, 2004